Even in a week in which Andy wins his first Alternative Picks week and gets more games correct straight up than Tony, his bets remain a dumpster fire. No, a tire fire. No, a forest fire. No, probably, more accurately, a fire set in a dumpster full of tires out in the middle of a dry forest.

Andy failed to get a single bet correct, putting him in sniffing distance of the bottom of his budget. Tony’s not exactly lighting Vegas on fire, but he’s mostly putting up 2-2 weeks and he’s profiting a few hundred bucks at a time.

Here are the standings:

Last week Last week $ Overall Overall $ Bankroll
Tony 2-2 + $538 19-16-1 +$3,827 $13,827
Andy 0-4 – $3,400 13-23 – $7,232 $2,768


And here are our bets for week nine:

Andy: Sigh. This is pathetic. But what are you going to do. Ain’t nobody gonna feel sorry for me. Next man up. Let’s go kick their ass.

$1,000 – Pittsburgh (-10, -110) at Indianapolis – I’m surprised how little this line has moved since word came out that Vontae Davis was going to have season-ending surgery. Antonio Brown already had to be licking his chops going into this game. He’s drooling voraciously now.

$600 – New England (-7.5, -110) at Denver – Eventually Denver’s defense will probably start playing a bit better than it has been, but the offense, under Brock Osweiler, likely isn’t going to improve all that much. I’m going with the allegedly elite teams this week, as I attempt to rebuild the bankroll. I think the Pats win this comfortably.

$600 – NY Giants at San Francisco: (Over 42, -110) – Uff da, this one could be ugly. These two teams have combined for a 1-16 record so far. More money is allegedly coming in on the under, according to Oddsshark.com. I see this differently. This is a “Get Right” game for Eli Manning. And it may also be our first opportunity to get a look at Jimmy Garoppolo. I think there will be some scoring. And not much more to care about.

$400 – Dallas (+130 money line) at Atlanta – Ezekiel Elliott’s hearing is Thursday, meaning there is a significant likelihood that he’s going to suit up this weekend. This might be a bit of a weak pick for an upset, but … A) the money line favors Atlanta, B) I haven’t won a money line bet in ages, C) I’m desperate and D) Screw you, this is our segment, not yours. I’ll pick who I want. :D

Tony: Few hundred bucks at a time?  B-O-R-I-N-G!

$2,000 – Seattle (-6, -108) at Arizona – Most books have them at -6.5 or -7 (or at -113 or worse) for the -6 spread, after opening at -5, but a couple of books show them at -108, so I’ll grab it. Are they reputable books? Reputable enough for my fake bankroll. The Cardinals have looked like trash since Carson Palmer got hurt…well, they looked like trash before it…and are 2-6 against the spread this year, so even thought Seattle is only 3-5 against it, I’ll roll with the Seahawks. Or soar. Or whatever Seahawks do.

$1,500 – Pittsburgh (-10, -104) at Indianapolis – My tendency to check out the dicier sports books pays off for me, as I’m getting a better payout than Andy on this one. Heck, I’m tempted to go -11.5 to get the +115 payout, but that burned me a couple weeks ago. The obvious answer to Andy’s Vontae Davis question?  He wasn’t going to slow AB84’s roll to begin with.

$1,000 – Green Bay at Chicago: Over 38.5 (-110) – The lowest Over/Under on the board. I think the Packers can figure out how to get at least 14-17 garbage points against the Bears, and the Bears can probably put up at least 24 on the Packers defense.  And that’s the Bad News Bears…

$500 – San Francisco (+125 moneyline) vs. New York Giants – The only upset I see on the board this week–and only an upset because the 49ers are 0-whatever at this point. But the Giants travel, the Giants have quit on their coach, and the Giants are already leaking stories about how terrible of a human being he is (ok, that might be the New York tabloids just guessing). I think the Niners get off the schnied (shnide? schneid?) this week, and the Giants move into position to possibly take that first overall pick