Sweet mother of God, we suck.

0-8 between the two of us in week 14. Good thing this is all mythical money. Vegas could build another mega-casino off us.

Last week Last week $ Overall Overall $ Bankroll
Tony 0-4 -$11,500 27-27-2 -$5,561 $4,439
Andy 0-4 -$2,200 20-36 -$10,105 -$105

We’re contractually obligated to finish out this segment through season’s end, so … we’ll take out a hypothetical second mortgage and keep going.

Tony: 0-4?  That’s more like it—at least we’re making progress in a direction, rather than kissing the proverbial sister every week. Sure, last week pretty much wiped me out—I may even be talking to Mythical Vinnie to cover this week’s bets.  But it’s better than hovering around even…

$2,000 – NY Jets (+16, -110) at New Orleans – I don’t even care that the Jets are using a backup quarterback, on the road, against a team that has been one of the better teams in the NFC this year…16 points is a huge spread, and I’ll take a chance.  Just wish I could find a book doing a +110 payout at +15.5…

$3,000 – Baltimore (-7, -110) at Cleveland – The Browns choked last week against the Pack, a loss that may drive Josh Gordon to drink. And smoke. And lose to the Ravens by 20.

$2,000 – LA Chargers at Kansas City – Over 46 (-110) – I didn’t even look down the full list, this jumps out to me as super low for a team with an offense firing on most cylinders (LA) and a team that could easily put up 30 in any given week (KC).  I even upped my bet by $500 once I saw it.

$500 – Indianapolis (+135 money line) over Denver – Yes, the Broncos are the better team. But Indianapolis is at home, on a Thursday night, in a game that even the fans of both teams probably won’t bother to watch. Edge, Indy.


$2,000 – L.A. Chargers (even, -110) at Kansas City – Sure, the Chiefs looked solid in getting back on track last week against Oakland. Sure, Arrowhead Stadium is one of the league’s more difficult stadiums in which to play a road game. Sure, it’s likely I lose yet another bet. Whatever. The Chargers are probably playing the best ball of anyone in the AFC West right now and, I’ll say it again, give them a real kicker the first two weeks of the season and this team could be 9-4 and within spitting distance of a first-round bye. The Chargers are good.

$2,000 – Tennessee (+2, -110) at San Francisco – One strategy I try to emphasize when I show off my expert NFL gambling skills is relying heavily on road underdogs. … … See, the joke there is that nothing has really worked for me, as all my picks have sucked. But Tennessee, though not great, has to be the most disrespected 8-5 team in the league in a while. Jimmy Garoppolo is an improvement and the Niners have won a couple straight, but the Titans are better.

$2,000 – New England at Pittsburgh (Under 54, -110) – Part of the reason I am betting this line is because I need this game to go over – I have a lot of Steelers and Patriots in fantasy league playoff match-ups and I figure I can count on this being high scoring now.

$500 – NY Jets (+950 money line) at New Orleans – Do I really think this is going to happen? No. But what the hell do I care at this point? I’ve been terrible and I might as well try to win back a big chunk all at once. The Saints aren’t THAT good. And, who knows, maybe Bryce Petty will prove to be the second-coming of Joe Namath. If not, oh no, I missed one more bet.